Day One or 231 days to the BIG 4-0 or Why Men Suck

Starting over yet again? A waste basket of dried flowers, a stuffed bear, and the detritus of a 2-month relationship? Various, unexecuted revenge schemes? Another day, another break-up? Nah...I choose to air my grievances in this forum, like the Peoples' Court or some functional equivalent. But where's Rusty, my trusty bailiff?

A rainy, gray Monday in a schizophrenic state that cannot decide between winter or spring so it splits the difference...Yes, I am starting my auspicious career as a blogger off with a sentence fragment about the weather. Aren't you glad that you took the time to read this?

Searching for a new theme to reach my goals. What else can a girl do after being broken up with on a rainy, gray Sunday? Via email by a long-distance beau ("The Duck")* who pledged his undying love? Well, besides enjoy the company of her good friends, Xanax and Target-brand NyQuil, followed by her best friend forever-sleep-for 16 hours. Nothing like unconsciousness to cure a broken heart.

But as foretold by the ominous ticking of that infernal 60 Minutes clock, Monday always comes. And I refuse to go to work with puffy, red eyes and blotchy skin, especially over the Duck, who is too much of a cowardly asshole to even break up on the telephone. Is the goal of technology to make it easier for men to dump us in increasingly weasely ways? (Ironically, I recently promised the Duck that I would never break up in a text message. To emphasize my point, I even sent the Duck clips from "The Post-It Note always sticks twice" where Berger breaks up with my relationship guru, Carrie Bradshaw, on a post-it note. Yes, I realize that Carrie is not a real person but in my mind she is.)

What has happened to the real men? To the cowboys? I am pretty sure that John Wayne, Humphrey Bogart, Clark Gable, and Jimmy Stewart never ended a relationship via telegram.

So, I have given up looking for men and love and have decided to concentrate on becoming blonde and getting my house in order, while fucking hating the Duck for making it impossible for me to ever use the cliche "getting my ducks in a row" or ever watching Pretty in Pink again.

Here's to a new journey! (And a double vodka and tonic and some Sex and the City after work and the Doodle goes to sleep). Cheers!

Today's inspirational figures: Carrie Bradshaw, Bridget Jones, Cher, Scarlett O'Hara, Lorena Bobbit

Song (s) of the Day: Rolling in the Deep, Adele; Got to be Real, Cheryl Lynn; Feeling Good by Nina Simone; I am gonna wash that man right outta my hair by Rodgers and Hammerstein; I Will Survive, Gloria Gaynor

Object(s) of the Day: Scissors, a bonfire, very loud music, Pear Absolut from my freezer

*Names changed to protect the guilty, the cowering, the litigious