Day 25: Why getting older sucks or 196 days until I turn 40

Surprisingly fresh-faced, albeit shamefaced, after my introduction to Blueberry Smirnoff Vodka paired with Diet Lemon Lime Kroger pop last night.  My usual liquid crack helped initially this morning and 2 cups of black coffee sprinkled throughout the day have kept me awake, mostly.  And no headache, which for me is often the worst part of drinking.  Okay, the worst physical part of drinking.

Yet as I sat in my car in the parking structure and put on "my face" before work, I noticed the beginnings of faint lines around my eyes.  They match the slight crinkles on my forehead.   I don't smoke.  I wear sunscreen religiously.  I moisturize.   I don't drink (that much).   I exercise regularly (except the last month where my exercise routine could best be described as sporadic).   Not to mention that I currently have hormonally-induced pimples dotting my chin.  It seems grossly unjust to simultaneously punish me with the wrinkles of age and the blemishes of youth.  

Not to mention that what comes next for me, for women my age, is no better and probably worse.    Hot flashes; I already alternate between running a small fan and a heater in my office.  On the same day.   I recently read or heard on the radio that the three ways to retain a youthful appearance are:  (1) Do not smoke; (2) sleep at least 7.5 hours a night; and (3) drink 8 glasses of water a day.   Okay, I've got the no-smoking thing down.  Drinking water right now--am currently on the first fourth of a 16.9 ounce bottle.  Unless, I can count the water in coffee. 

I almost never *feel* old; I often wonder if I am in the girl version of Big.  How can I be almost 40 years old when only yesterday, I turned 20 and was upset that I was halfway to 40?   Such is life; it goes so slowly when we are children.  We are in such an awful hurry to get there, to grow up.   And then after 20, time accelerates.  And we are as powerless to stop the sands from pouring forth.    My early 20s were horrible.  The highs and lows so dramatic, even more so than now.   If you think I am a hot mess now, you should have known me 20 years ago.  

For the most part, I have enjoyed my 30s.  Like I am started to come into my own, become more comfortable in my skin.  Or at least begin the process.  Yet, the wheels started to come off in my late 30s, when I realized that it was not really my skin.  I don't know; maybe we are more like snakes than we think, and every so often, we have to molt a layer of skin to reveal our truest skin.   (Did I mention that I had less than 4 hours of sleep?) 

This whole process is about finally discovering what skin I am supposed to be in.  To shed the toxicities of the past, to make peace with the past, and to move forward.  Striving to become the best, brightest most evolved version of myself.  And to find a good eye cream that minimizes fine lines and wrinkles....

"If I could make days last forever

If words could make wishes come true
I'd save every day like a treasure and then,
Again, I would spend them with you


But there never seems to be enough time
To do the things you want to do
Once you find them
I've looked around enough to know
That you're the one I want to go
Through time with"


 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qHDt2t0oO7g