Today was a long day following a very, long night of rolling and patting and baking egg, tulip, and butterfly shaped sugar cookies decorated with vibrantly-coloured frosting composed of powdered sugar, m&ms, and various sprinkles (or jimmies) that ended in the wee-smalls with the thump of the newspaper against the door scaring the fuck out of me.
And like most days that begin after 2 hours of sleep, it started off less than stellar, especially since the level of sleepiness meant a longer lead time for the liquid crack to penetrate my cerebral cortex and truly begin the waking up process.
(I am so fucking addicted to Starbucks. If it's time to be honest with myself, I need to acknowledge this fact. "But I don't want a cure. I'll just stay addicted and hope that I can endure.")*
I began my journey to work down the long corridor of hell that leads to nirvana for a government employee--the bat elevator. But first, I must pass the poor souls sitting on the wooden bench adjacent to ominous-looking bathroom, who wait to pee in a cup while a fellow comrade in government employment watches. Note to self--something to be thankful for even on bad days--at least I don't have to pee in a cup at random intervals while "the man" watches (unless, of course, you're into that and then huzzah for you and no judgment). I also don't have to be "the man" who watches these folks pee in a cup as a condition of his or her probation (again, each to her or his own). I do, however, have to walk past these "poor, unfortunate souls."** It's depressing and awkward. And really awkward and less than charming and even more depressing when some of the men brazenly look me up and down. Yeah, right, fella. I don't think so. Even I am not that desperate. Right?
After running the gauntlet of the pause and pee line and making my way onto the bat elevator for which one needs a special pass that often only can be inherited in shadowy ways that "it would not be worth my life"*** to reveal, I entered the elevator to a whoosh of cool air. Which is one of my favourite parts of riding the bat elevator well next to feeling like Batman. That and the entertainment of running into judges without their robes. No, NOT naked judges but judges stripped of their judicial and in street clothes, which believe it or not, is sometimes more disturbing than the actual nakedness. (Or so I imagine as I have never seen a judge naked) One colleague actually ran into a certain bad-ass judge on the bat elevator sporting flip flops and sliver nail polish on his tootsies. (Even better than imagining him naked.)**** True story. Or so I heard.
A high point when my colleagues peppered me liberally with praise for the plate of cookies that I dropped off in the lounge. Damn me faintly with praise once and I shall forever bring you my baked goods so that I may be praised again and again, like a dog that wants her belly scratched (actually I'd prefer a massage or pedicure but I did not mean it literally any way). Mmm, maybe the dudes in the line of pee don't look so bad after all...
Then, a tear-my-hair-out-point-at-the-blatant-incompetence-laziness-of-certain-attorneys. This is where Julie goes crazy. Cue the Cameron freak-out scream.***** Then, a definite high point as I take the afternoon off--not a true Ferris-Bueller-type-day-off--as it did not involve a purloined vintage Ferrari, lunch at a French restaurant, a visit to an art museum, an afternoon baseball game where I caught a ball after taunting the batter****** or a parade where I got to sing Wayne Newton and dance to Twist and Shout on a float. Yet, I did get to see something really good. That I cannot really talk about it but I did see something good today, almost as good as singing Wayne Newton and then dancing to the Beatles on a float.
Followed by a trip to Toys R Us for Easter bunny shopping (why doesn't he just get elves?) and then a long trek "home." A big hug and kiss from the Doodle, who told me that she really loves me. Aww, right back at you, bun. Glasses, pink jammies and a big, soft fluffy pink robe and the Doodle's Cinderella sky-blue Crown perched atop my head feed into my mellow, slap-happiness. And the discovery that I talk in movie when mellow and slap-happy. And now, my friends, it is time for me to put myself to bed with my book about the circus (hey my something good had circus-like attributes) and memory and desire and the passage of time.
Wishing you cotton candy dreams and umbrella drink wishes....
*Hooked on a Feeling, by B.J. Thomas
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JNnnWfUpYGg
**Ursula the Sea Witch in Disney's Little Mermaid, which has a happy ending unlike the book by Hans Christian Andersen, which ends tragically but ah, so beautifully. This makes me want to discuss what is better (or does less damage) for the developing minds of little girls--happily ever after or the cold, hard truth. Another day perhaps.
***Sydney Greenstreet in Casablanca, explaining to Victor Laslow why he cannot get him an exit visa
tabaccy and that Mr. Brady was gay? Another day perhaps.
*****Come on. Cameron Frye from Ferris Bueller's Day Off. The long open-mouthed scream when Cameron freaks out. Arguably, John Hughes' greatest movie and one of the greatest, most influential movies of my generation. Great music--the Smiths, the Dream Academy, the English Beat, Wayne Newton, the Beatles, And a great cast: Matthew Broderick, Jennifer Grey, cameos by Ben Stein before he became a republican, by Charlie Sheen before he went bat-shit crazy and began living with the Goddesses.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=COvsCB2DfPc (Cameron's scream)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dxPVyieptwA&feature=related (Ben Stein--foreshadowing?)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IRbzZG_JxYY&feature=related (Charlie Sheen--more foreshadowing?)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q-Vvm0wvOGw&feature=related (Wayne Newton and the Beatles on a float)
******"Hey batta batta batta hey batta batta batta SWING batta!" Truly, this is some of the best baseball chatter ever invented. Even though it was a Cubs' game in the movie, I submit that the 80s guru was really a Tigers' fan at heart and a bleacher creature before he defected to Chicago. Note that Cameron is wearing Gordie Howe's Detroit Red Wings' hockey jersey. I further submit that the 80s guru was both a Tigers' fan (American League) and a Cubs' fan (National League). This is totally understandable and reconcilable as Wrigley Field is the second best ballpark, after the original Tiger Stadium on Trumbull,
http://blog.moviefone.com/2011/02/09/ferris-bueller-real-baseball-game-wrigley-field/ (a debate on whether this scene was filmed during an actual game and also includes the clip of the baseball game scene)
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