Symmetry and wardrobe malfunctions

My drive "home" ended the same way it began--with Marvin Gaye singing about Sexual Healing.   I believe that this constitutes an universal symmetrical stamp of approval on what was my best day in several days.  A  typical day--busy and containing a series of minor annoyances--ordinary yet remarkable for its moments of beauty and laughter and an continuous strand of even-keeledness.

Speaking of symmetry, I gave the new gray and black swirly dress another chance to improve its karma, even though I wore it for a few hours on Monday.  On Monday,  I wore a more suitable undergarment that um minimized rather than lifted and separated or pushed-em-up-and-shoved-em-together.  Thus, I was lulled into a false sense of security about the efficacy of said dress's ability to contain its assets and thus, its appropriateness for the workplace.  My dear friend, Uno, quickly pointed out that I had been labouring under a misapprehension about my dress's containability prospects and noted the difficulty of looking at my face when talking to me.  My adjustment efforts at containment proved futile but I managed to fashion an adequate containment strategy for a surprise court appearance--coverage with a suit jacket.*    But what to do about my wardrobe malfunction for a popular lunchtime lecture series (besides resolving to keep a black tank in my office for future malfunctions)?

Time was running short, and the heavily-attended-get-there-early-seminar-encore showing was about to start. It was time to bring out the big guns to solve the containment problem of the big guns. But no safety pin or decorative brooch was to be found in the cluttered sanctuary of my office (note to self--need black tank, safety pins, and a decorative brooch for first aid kit).  There was only one solution to my containment problem given my limited resources.  What would MacGyver** do (WWMD)?   I surveyed my desk, scanning it quickly with MacGyver-like eyes, discarding the paper clips, empty Starbucks cups, a felt tip marker cap, and scotch tape.  Just as I was about to surrender to the jaws of defeat, my laser-like glance alighted upon a standard, heavy-duty black stapler with yellow stickies scotch taped to it indicating that it belonged to me and that I had paid for it (true story).  Its reassuring weight in my hand, I considered the thin fabric of my dress. Would it work, could it work?  WWMD?  Dare I?

I dared.  It worked, although it required more than one staple (5 to be exact) to contain the situation, to maintain symmetry.  McGyver would be proud and would likely have given the staples high marks for their handiness, durability, ease of use, and blendability.   The only (negative) sticking point was removal of the staples. While applauding my ingenuity and resourcefulness (but likely to scratch her head at my MacGvyer reference), another dear friend, Duo, pointed out that removing the staples might affect the future wearability of said dress.  It may, grasshopper, it may.  But I will follow the advice of the woman who fashioned a dress out of green velvet drapes and who married her sister's beau in order to keep Tara from falling into the hands of the Yankees, and who once famously said (undoubtedly influencing MacGyver's skills many years later), "I can't think about that right now. If I do, I'll go crazy. I'll think about that tomorrow....after all, tomorrow is another day."**

*Apparently, in addition to my McGyver-like containment skills, I am also clairvoyant and able to intuit when a court date has been changed without notification of the change from either the court or the defense attorney.  Ahem....sorry, I don't know tomorrow's Powerball numbers as my clairvoyance is limited to changes in the court's docket...

**For Uno and Duo.  On MacGyver: "The show follows the intelligent, optimistic, laid-back, resourceful secret agent Angus MacGyver, played by Richard Dean Anderson. He prefers a non-violent resolution to violence where possible and refuses to handle a gun. MacGyver works as a troubleshooter for the fictional 'Phoenix Foundation' in Los Angeles. Educated as a scientist with a background as a Bomb Team Technician/EOD in Vietnam ("Countdown"), and from a fictional United States government agency, the Department of External Services (DXS), he is a resourceful agent able to solve complex problems with everyday materials he finds at hand, along with his ever-present duct tape and Swiss Army knife." http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/MacGyver (also the only time that I am ever likely to cite Wikipedia as a source for anything other than as an example of a source that should not be relied upon for the truth of the matter asserted or EVER cited in a legal brief)(note to self, add duct tape and swiss army knife to first aid kit).

***Katie Scarlett O'Hara Wilkes Kennedy Butler.